Tiger and Earl

(I am about to speak ill of the dead, so you may want to look away)

I love Tiger Woods. I know that it is no longer PC to admit that in some circles. He has made some horrific mistakes of late, and now there is a rising tide of PED accusations about to over take him and his career. With all that in mind, I still love Tiger Woods. I have been listening to the talking heads of sports radio bash this new “soft” Tiger. This man who walks off the course mid round, can’t seem to overcome poor play early in tournaments and is in a seemingly endless downward spiral. They bash him constantly. For many in the media, he is just getting what was coming to him. That being said, I still love Tiger.

Lost in the stampede to crucify him is a dire lesson for all of us who have children. I have heard Tiger acknowledge his deep guilt over disappointing his father. I have heard the media talk about how his father taught him better than this. I have heard more homage paid to the memory of Earl Woods than the memory of Bobby Jones (not the Mets pitcher, although it is possible he is no longer with us and is worthy of some respect). Here is the equation society is using for explaining the descent of Tiger:

Tiger Woods - Earl Woods + Fame + Arrogance=Failure.

That equation leads me to believe that most people think that Earl was the force that steadied the rickety ship of Tiger. Without Earl Tiger would have never achieved anything close to what he has accomplished in his life. Earl was a steadying force in the life of Tiger, that is certain, but I am not sure the formula explaining the descent of Tiger shouldn’t look more like this:

Earl’s personality + Tiger’s personality = Inevitable Combustion

The stories that come out about the building of Tiger by Earl show an insane pattern of poor parenting. It is one thing to inspire and push your son, it is another to demand impossible perfection from him. Tiger was bound to snap. Before the collapse did you ever see Tiger relax? Did you ever see Tiger not be perfect? It wasn’t like he didn’t have his chances to expose his imperfection. Fuzzy Zoeller gave him a nice open door (See, told you), and all Tiger did was handle those racist comments with complete class. Vijay Singh’s caddy showed that there are plenty of classless people in the golf world, but Tiger wasn’t one of them. He handled his struggles, his victories and his competitors with complete class.

Let’s get back to Earl Woods and his parenting model. I believe that Earl Woods drove Tiger to this moment. He needed to break out from his father’s vicarious drive. The more we control our kids, the more outlandish and destructive their break out will be. Earl designed the perfect golfer, too bad he had to destroy his kid to do it. What I find most amazing is the capacity Tiger had for perfection. For most of us, having perfection demanded of us is a joke. For Tiger, it was nearly achieved. Tiger’s personality has brought undeserved credit to Earl’s parenting. Tiger’s ability, to not only absorb his Father’s ridiculous demands, but to live up to them, shows us all his tremendous capacity for greatness. It was that capacity Tiger had for greatness and Earl’s thirst for success that sent Tiger on a collision course with self destructiveness.

Now he has broken out from under that iron fist and the world knows he isn’t perfect. He hasn’t become comfortable with his imperfection the way John Daly has, and shouldn’t we be ok with that? The insanity of our culture is the measure of forgiveness we have for Daly (whose life has never been lived well), and the miniscule grace we offer Tiger (a man, who by all accounts has lived most of his life very well). A father has the power to guide and lead as well as the power to crush and control. The line is not as obvious as we would like to think it is. I believe Earl crossed the line and drove his son so deep inside himself, that the only way he would ever find his way out was to blast his way out. The last thing to be destroyed was the one thing Earl cared about most, Icon Tiger. Tiger was destroying himself privately for years, but to honor his father he kept the persona of Icon Tiger alive unscathed until that fateful night in Florida. Tiger hit that tree, but Earl was at the wheel.

I am in no way condoning the actions of Tiger, nor am I blaming his father for every one of his choices. I am not a person who makes it a habit to blame the parents for the sins of the child. I am writing this to just bring a little balance to the situation. Instead of looking for the “old Tiger” maybe we should be concerned with him finding out who that little boy was supposed to be 30 years ago? I know, I know, Tiger has a billion dollars to go find Tiger with. But can you really put a price on his lost soul? Here is the warning for all of us parents out there. So, your kid can swing a bat. Big deal. So, your kid has a sweet golf swing at 6 months old. Irrelevant. So your kid can play (name your vicarious sport of choice). Congratulations on the quality of your genetics. No matter what, never forget that the only gift is your child, not their talent. Encourage their dreams and help them build a fantastic future, but don’t force them to live the future you designed for them. Their success may not look anything like your success, but success it is nonetheless. I love Tiger Woods.

Tastelessly speaking ill of the dead,

Adam